Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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