She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
