For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
