Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
