I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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