just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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