dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
