Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
