420 ftw
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
