I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
