Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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