hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize