Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I believe in your delicious
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
