I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
