She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
