It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Congratulations! We have a period
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
