Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize