Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
