I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
