I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the day after is always just damage control
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
