that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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