Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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