My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
