Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
