Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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