will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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