his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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