Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
