All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
