no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
