Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
