so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
