Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
