I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
