Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
