she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
