I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize