Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
