I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
