I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
