Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
