took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
