Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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