i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
