Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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