party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
