Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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