There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize