i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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