You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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