I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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