Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize