the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
love makes seman taste better
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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