she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no, he came in my armpit
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
