Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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