oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
