did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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