Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize