I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize