Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
