i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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