That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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