marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
