Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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