I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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