but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
