that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize