we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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