If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
