it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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