you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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