I bet he comes in French.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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