she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
