Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
