I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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