Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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