I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
