i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize