why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
