Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
