Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize