Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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