Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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