Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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