I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
