They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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