happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
