Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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