The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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