So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize