i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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