no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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