did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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