You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
