where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her vagine was all disorganized.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
