HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
