Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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